The Encarta World English Dictionary defines “enmesh” as “to entangle somebody or something in something from which it is difficult to be extricated or separated.” Are you entangled with your children in a way that is limiting both you and your children? Parents may enmesh with children when they want control over their children and they want their children to take responsibility for them. By over-involving themselves in their children’s lives, they hope to tie their children to them in such a way that their children feel guilty over their parent’s pain and responsible for it. There are various ways a parent may enmesh with his or her children: * When parents don’t have a strong sense of their own identity, they may over identify with their children. This means that they are over-invested in their chi scholarship opportunities ldren’s performance, such as their children’s grades, sports, or talents. We’ve all seen the enmeshed father at his children’s sports events, yelling at the coach or at the child, or the enmeshed mother of a child who is on stage, screen, or doing commercials. The parent who screams at a teacher for their child’s bad grade is another example of an enmeshed parent. The parent who insists that their child goes to med school when the child really wants to be an artist is another example. Rather than supporting the child in following his or her heart, the parent threatens a withdrawal of approval to control the child. * When a parent is devoted to being a victim and not taking responsibility for their own feelings, they may cry, yell, blame, and in various other ways “pull” on their children to make the parent happy.